


Fall and Fall and Don't Look Up

by victoriousscarf



Series: Stars and Cinders [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Brief reference to torture, Gen, Some hinted one side Jason/Dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousscarf/pseuds/victoriousscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason didn't believe it when the Jedi master bent down in front of him and told him he would be going to the temple.</p><p>Oh, he recognized the man in front of him as <i>Jedi</i>, and he knew of the Temple and where it was and what a bad mark it would be with all its security and Jedi guards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall and Fall and Don't Look Up

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm really writing this out of order but these first few stories are sorta about etasblishing Bruce's line of padawans and their relationships with each other and him.
> 
> More will be filled in later

Jason didn't believe it when the Jedi master bent down in front of him and told him he would be going to the temple.

Oh, he recognized the man in front of him as _Jedi_ , and he knew of the Temple and where it was and what a bad mark it would be with all its security and Jedi guards. 

But he didn't believe the parts with _him_ and _the temple_ being put in the same sentence.

“That's not funny,” he said, crouched and dirty and hungry against the wall.

“I am not joking,” the Jedi said, holding out his hand and that is how Jason Todd, who should have known better than to try and steal anything from a Jedi, found himself at the Jedi temple of Coruscant. 

-0-

The other children had been there longer, but Jason was only a year or two older. Sometimes he caught the Jedi murmuring to each other how lucky they were, to have found him when they did. Any longer and he might have been too old to start the training and succeed. 

He wanted to question that more, wanted to know why that was so important. 

-0-

The first several years were rough.

Actually all the years were rough but it seemed to get better for a while. He excelled at his classes, soaking up history and politics and literature and he had enough street fighting experience to gain just enough of an edge in the fighting classes. He was also driven enough to want desperately to know how to defend himself, certain the temple would kick him out sooner rather than later. 

The only places he fell behind included things like mediation and learning to slow down. 

But he had few friends. 

He had people who liked him well enough, and some that were moths drawn to his flame, but almost no one he trusted impeccably, ready to confide in and learn from. 

-0-

Even when he reached the age to become a Padawan, he was still certain the temple was just looking for the excuse to kick him out. 

Months passed, and some of his agemates were chosen by masters, scared and proud all at once and he felt like a caged animal prowling the training grounds. 

“You're time will come,” he was told and he wanted to snarl. Instead he bowed his head like was proper and bit his tongue. 

It was when he finally stopped biting his tongue and looked up that he noticed the Jedi watching him. His eyes were blue and dark and now that Jason had seen him, every time he looked up there he was. At first it was flattering and then it made something angry that he could not admit to the Jedi twist up inside him.

After a few months he decided if the Jedi wouldn't approach him, he'd have to be the one to make the first move.

He found the Jedi in one of the temple gardens, his eyes closed. For all intents and purposes he looked like he was mediating, except it was clear from how tight his shoulders were, he was not. 

“So are you just having trouble mediating or are you using it as an excuse to make people leave you alone?” Jason asked, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at the Jedi. There were the beginnings of grey at his temples. 

Those eyes opened and the Jedi slowly smiled up at him. The swiftness of his reaction meant Jason must have been right. “And what concern is that of a creche youngling?”

“This creche youngling wants to know why he's being watched,” Jason said. 

“You're still wary and angry,” the Jedi said and Jason tensed.

“Still?”

“You'll have to find a way to use that without ever letting it use you,” the Jedi said. “It could be a dangerous path.” 

“I'm going to be a Jedi,” Jason said. “What about that isn't dangerous?”

That seemed to be the right answer because the next day he was formally accepted as Bruce Wayne's padawan.

-0-

He should have recognized Master Wayne a lot earlier than he did, as the Jedi who brought him to the temple so long ago. “Did you always mean to make me your padawan?” Jason asked, poking around Master Wayne's chambers. There were some things that felt like they didn't belong, tucked into odd corners and hidden behind cupboard doors. 

Jason picked up a rock, felt a thrill through it and the Force and carefully put it down again. 

“No,” Master Wayne said, allowing him the time to adjust to his new quarters. “I had no desire for,” he paused. “A padawan,” he finished and Jason wondered what he'd almost said instead. 

“Am I your first?” Jason asked, tilting his head. He had heard little about Master Wayne, he realized, except the few occasions when another rumor went around about him giving the Council headaches.

A shadow passed across Master Wayne's face that Jason was certain should not have been there. “No.”

Jason shrugged the tiny bit of disappointment off. He knew it was selfish, and not the Jedi way, to want to be special and unique to someone. 

But it didn't change the fact he did.

-0-

He continued to excel under Master Wayne. His lightsaber techniques only improved, and he settled into a forward and brutal style. It wasn't fancy, like some of the other styles he saw, but it was straightforward and powerful. 

The day he built his own lightsaber was when he finally believed maybe he was supposed to be a Jedi because nothing had felt so right in his hands. 

The other padawans and he did not get along though. He wasn't sure if it was a flaw with him, with them, or the whole system of how padawans interacted. They scowled at him and whispered behind his back, about how much he loved to learn, how desperate he was to do well.

Something he thought should have been a good thing was apparently quite a bad thing.

He felt the most at ease in his own skin out on missions with Master Wayne, when they were knocking pirates around and helping disaster zones. He got along well with the citizens of the underworld, desperate and trying to make a living. They, he could relate to, in ways he still couldn't relate to his fellow Jedi. 

“My other padawan struggled too,” Master Wayne said one night and Jason tensed, because he had never heard Bruce actually mention the other Jedi he had trained. Jason had been able to pick out which small items that mysterious padawan had left though, including the stone he'd held the first day. They had a different feeling to them, and sometimes he caught Bruce trailing his fingers over the tiny relics of another being. 

The stone had mysteriously migrated into Jason's own room, because when he held it his nightmares were not so bad. 

“Did they?” Jason asked, desperate to know more and not daring to let that show. 

“He was quite stubborn when he was brought into the temple,” Master Wayne said. “The other creche children and he fought often. He... had seen his parents die as a child, and he carried those scars around with him for a long time.”

“And then what?” Jason asked, because he thought there might be another point to this story.

“He learned how to accept it, and others,” Master Wayne said. “In fact, he became quite well loved.”

Jason snorted. “Sure,” he said. “I will take your words into consideration, Master Wayne.”

-0-

When Jason finally met Knight Grayson, he was anything except prepared. 

He felt like someone had stolen all the air in the room or like someone had hit him because all he could think about was how beautiful he was.

Jedi did not covet anything, he reminded himself viciously, trying not to get caught staring. 

Master Wayne was one long line of tension beside him. “Knight Grayson,” he greeted and the other Jedi finally looked over at him from where he had been leaning over the computer console. 

“Master Wayne,” he greeted and then his eyes alighted on Jason, and Jason felt something twist up inside him and ache at and unhappiness in those eyes. “You took another padawan.”

“Yes,” Master Wayne said, and not even when the Council was yelling at them both did he sound so stiff. 

Knight Grayson narrowed his eyes at Master Wayne. “How unfortunate,” he said, bending over the console again. 

Jason wanted to protest, wanted to protect himself and his place at Master Wayne's side, as much as he wanted to defend Master Wayne himself. Certainly he was cold, and harsh, but he was the only one in the Temple who smiled at Jason when he did well, who steadily and kindly guided him, no matter how many times Jason failed. 

“We were the ones assigned to investigate these pirates,” Master Wayne started. 

“Yes,” Knight Grayson said, and his hands were moving over the console, long and graceful and Jason looked steadily at the wall to his right instead of focusing on the sight. “And I was assigned as protection of this convoy. Which your pirates just attacked. I suppose we'll have to work together,” and there was anger in his voice when he looked up again.

“Dick—” Master Wayne started, and Jason had never heard him sound that vulnerable. 

“Don't,” Knight Grayson said. “Please. Just don't.” He threw something and Jason fumbled to catch it. “Padawan,” he said and Jason swallowed before meeting his gaze. “Plug this into your computer. I think it's the best possible coordinates of where the pirates went. They stripped this ship of crew and cargo and we need to find both.”

“Alright,” Jason said, and wasn't certain if he had ever moved this quickly for one of Master Wayne's orders. 

He was all in all, quite disgusted with himself. 

-0-

Knight Grayson was even more beautiful fighting than he was standing still. When they finally caught up with the pirates, Knight Grayson was first on their ship, his two blades in his hands and Jason almost got shot because he was too distracted. 

After that he got himself in gear if only so Knight Grayson and Master Wayne would have no reason to be disappointed in him. Especially Knight Grayson, he admitted, because that man had been Master Wayne's padawan, his predecessor, and he wanted to be found worthy. 

“You take too many risks, Dick,” Master Wayne said after wards, when Knight Grayson was considering the fallen pirates, the crew already working on returning their liberated cargo to their ships. “Too many missions out here, on your own.”

Knight Grayson's head came up and his eyes narrowed. “Isn't that what you wanted?” he asked. “Was it not you who said it was time for me to be on my own?”

“I meant from me,” Master Wayne said, and though he looked calm Jason could see the tiny twist in his mouth, the pain. “I did not mean that you should become so reckless.”

Knight Grayson narrowed his eyes, taking a step forward. “It is not your concern anymore,” he said. “You made that clear.” 

“Dick—”

“I have my mission to get back to, Master, and you should return to the Temple to report on yours,” and like that he was turning to leave and Jason winced at all the pain floating through the Force.

-0-

Several weeks later he came awake all at once when his comm beeped at him. He floundered around, before answering it. “Padawan Todd,” he said, voice too slurred and for a moment there was silence on the other end. Jason cursed himself because he'd forgotten to check who was calling. 

“I wanted to apologize,” the voice said and Jason froze. 

“Knight Grayson?” he managed. 

“Please, you don't have to call me that,” Knight Grayson said. “We are padawan brothers now.”

“But you are still a Knight and I am still a padawan,” Jason said. “What do you mean, you wanted to apologize?” he added when his brain processed that part of Knight Grayson's statement. 

“What it sounded like, presumably,” Knight Grayson said, his voice full of amusement. Jason curled up on his side in the bed, cradling the comm close to his chest and reminding himself to breath, to relax. “I fear I did not make a good first impression. I was,” he trailed off and Jason didn't dare prod him to continue. “Focused on my former Master, not on you. And for that I am sorry.”

“You were on a mission,” Jason said. “I understand.”

Knight Grayson made and irritated noise. “Be that as it may, I was wrong in how I treated you. I had not seen my Master since my Trials.” 

Jason froze, and was afraid. “By... by your choice or his?”

“His, mostly,” Knight Grayson said softly and there was the hurt. Jason tried to imagine his life without Master Wayne, who may have been distant but who was there, who guided him and who he spend most of his time with. “And that's why I am sorry. I wanted to tell you... despite my less than stellar first impression, that I will be here for you.”

“What?” Jason asked stupidly. 

“You're my padawan brother now,” Knight Grayson said. “And no one understands what it is like to have been trained by my master. He will be distant, he will push you away if he feels like it, he will push you hard one way or the other. If you need someone to talk to, if you need help, I promise I will be there.” 

Jason felt his lungs seize and it took him too long to reply. “Thank you,” he said. 

Knight Grayson paused on the other end of the line and Jason held the comm closer to his cheek, closing his eyes and just knowing there was another being at the other end of the line. 

“If you need me,” Knight Grayson said. “Call me.”

-0-

Jason kept training, pushing himself as hard as Bruce pushed him and it never got easier. He was too angry, sometimes too volatile on missions. 

“You have to control your anger,” Master Wayne thundered at him, as he knelt in the mud, shaking fingers unable to hold his lightsaber anymore. “That man should not have died—he died because you cannot control yourself!”

“I didn't kill him,” Jason said, looking over the edge of the cliff. “He... he fell.”

“You might as well have pushed him,” Master Wayne snarled.

“He was a pirate,” Jason said past his numb lips. 

Master Wayne left him there, shaking and alone until he finally pried himself up from the ground and slunk back to their ship.

-0-

Dick Grayson made a habit of trying to be in the Temple more often now, and Jason didn't even dare call him out on why. “You don't have to,” he said and Dick shrugged. 

Jason had tried not to call him, tried not to want as badly as he did, but sometimes he found himself locked away in his room at night talking quietly to Dick, systems away.

Now Dick was sitting across from him in the commissary with food between them, and plenty of other passing Knights greeted Dick. He smiled at them and murmured a few words but always returned his attention to Jason and it was making him feel dizzy. 

“You know,” he said, when Knight Harper passed by, ruffling Dick's hair and laughing. “If you'd rather—”

“Rather what?” Dick asked, amused. 

“Be somewhere else,” Jason said, watching Knight Harper as he headed for the door. 

“I wouldn't,” Dick said, and there were dark circles under his eyes. 

“Have your missions been going well?” Jason asked, his fingers tightening around his glass until he forced himself to relax his hand. 

“No,” Dick admitted. “It is my own fault for trying to hunt a mercenary Sith.”

Jason blinked and his eyes widened. “Those exist?”

“At least the one,” Dick said, his eyes shadowed when he looked back over.

That night Jason found himself clutching the stone he had kept with him all his years as a padawan and knocking on Dick's door. The stone was pink and grey, not a crystal to be used in a lightsaber but still somehow strong in Force resonance and it had once belonged to Dick. Even if Jason had let it guard his dreams it did not really belong to him.

When Dick answered the door, Jason held it out. “I found this,” he said. “In Master Wayne's chambers when I first moved in.” 

Dick was staring at first the stone and then Jason. “I kept it,” he said. “I mean, Master Wayne kept it. I think he kept everything you forgot in his chambers, actually. But this one in particular, I liked. I don't really know what it is, or where you got it, but I'm certain it used to be yours. And, you look tired,” he added, voice starting to trail away when Dick kept staring at him. “This stone, when I sleep with it near, it helps keep the nightmares away. It was yours once and if it helps,” he froze utterly when Dick's hand moved to the back of his head, fingers tangled up in his hair. Dick leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Jason's forehead and he screwed his eyes shut. 

It was a brief touch, over quickly but Jason felt branded. 

“Keep it,” Dick said but he smiled, broad and happy. “It's been yours a long time it sounds like.”

“But,” Jason started. 

“Consider this me officially giving it to you,” Dick whispered. 

Jason curled his fingers around the stone again and nodded.

-0-

For a while Dick stopped coming back to the Temple entirely, and Jason started to finally fill out. He shot up abruptly and his shoulders got broader. He wasn't the smallest in his age group any more and he felt awkward and too big in his own skin.

“Everyone has to go through this at some point,” Dick said when Jason finally caught him on the comm again. It had been months since he last heard his voice. 

“Did you?” Jason asked. “I'm having trouble imagining it. Besides, you're still tiny. I'd be taller than you at this point.”

Dick snorted over the line, not quite a laugh. “Yes, Padawan Jason, I did in fact have to go through the same awkward stage as every other humanoid male where my limbs ached and didn't feel right for my body.”

“I'm a little old for it,” Jason said and he wished Dick would come back to the Temple so he could see him again. Even if he couldn't touch Dick, seeing him was better than just hearing him. 

“Maybe,” Dick said and his voice was warm and Jason held the comm up to his ear, so it felt like Dick was right there. “But I'm excited to see you, little bird, to see how much you've grown.”

“Little bird?” Jason sputtered and it was worth it to actually hear Dick laugh.

That was the last time they spoke for a long time.

-0-

Jason had heard that as a padawan Dick had been kidnapped by a Sith. He'd been taken away but then given back, more or less intact. Rumors followed him around of course, that that was why he spent so much time in the mid and outer rim, trying to find that same Sith again. That his orange lightsabers proved he had come close to falling during that time. That he was not the same as he once had been. 

Jason would never be so stupid as to say the experience didn't change Dick, because he'd never known Dick before it. But he was certain Dick had managed to keep himself intact through it, and had never come close to actually falling. Dick was strong, had proven it time after time and year after year. 

He did not feel nearly so strong, or believe the same rumors would be said about him if he ever got out of this place. 

This dark place he had found himself in. Sometimes he heard the Sith that was there with him, laughing from the shadows. That's all he had to track them, their laugh.

He thought the voice was masculine but he honestly was disoriented enough he couldn't tell. 

At first he repeated the Jedi Code to himself, over and over while he shook in the chains binding him to the pillar. He worried if he sagged too much he would be choked by those chains. 

The only hope he could think of was being saved. If he was saved, he might be able to box this darkness and fear and rage back up and continue pretending to be a Jedi. Dick, he told himself, had managed it. 

But he knew if he was left alone in the darkness he would fall face first in it.

But Master Wayne would never leave him here, he would never abandon him. Jason wouldn't have to lose himself to the darkness because someone was coming to pull him out of it.

By the fifth day he started screaming. 

That was the point when the Sith came out of hiding, their long finger digging into his skin and tearing, laughing all the time. “Jedi, Jedi, Jedi,” he crooned and Jason screamed again as lightning laced through the open wounds. “All the same, all the same.”

“We're not,” Jason gasped at the ceiling, closing his eyes except that left him only in deeper darkness. 

“I should cut you open and use your bones to make poison,” the Sith giggled. “Grind up your spleen and heart and find the highest bidder.”

Jason bit back his groan. “Okay,” he said. “Than just do it.”

The laugh came again. “No, no, no, that would be easy, that's what you want,” and those fingers with their claw like tips were back, tearing open his face and the lightning followed again. “You're going to become what I want.”

“I'll kill you,” Jason said, when he stopped screaming. 

“Yes, yes,” the Sith said, as if he was pleased with that idea.

Jason held on, he knew he did. He clung to his crumbling faith until he finally let go and gave up.

He fell to the sound of laughter and lightning in the air and never looked back.


End file.
